Friends

Another long gap between posts. Sorry.

I've been thinking about friends lately. Well, I've also been having issues with some of them. Eight grade is a big turning point for kids, I'm discovering. We are trying to find "who we are", in a sense. I've made many friends I never thought I would be friends with, and I've lost friends in situations that hurt me to no end.

I have a friend who I fight with, a lot, it seems. I don't know what to do. Every fight we've had, and blown off, have stored up between us like a ticking time bomb until it recently exploded and now there's nothing left but pieces of the friendship we once had. The pain I feel creeps into my heart and spreads, like a disease. Everything is really difficult.

And this hasn't just happened to me once. Its happened multiple times, in different ways. I sometimes feel like I can't be close friends with someone, especially when they promise they will always be there for me. I've decided that this is what close friendships is like for me. Its like getting shot at by someone. The closer you get to that person, who has a gun, the more likely you are going to get shot, to get hurt.

But, as I think about all the friends I have who I don't fight with and get along great with, I feel a sense of gratitude, because they keep me together and whole, while everything else trys to pull me apart. I know I can't just stop having friends completely. That would be pointless. I can't just stop trusting and stop being friends with people. I guess I just have to grin and bear through all the pain I feel with others, and live my life with the people who are my true homies. =P

I understand if all this confuses you. Believe me, I don't even understand the thoughts in my head sometimes.